Weight Watchers

The constant battle between physical and mental health. This conflict has been going on since time began. Centuries of men and women have been dealing with this crusade. There is yet to be a cure.

It's a war where your mind constantly defeats and possesses your body. Takes over your emotions and manipulates you to think a certain way and slowly but surely corrupts you.

evil right?

Welcome to Shannon_Worldd where I describe the ongoing feud between my mental and physical state!

I'm not going to sit here and say "I've got fat," "I've gained so much weight," "I'm so porky."

NO!

I refuse to use those words... I will tell you all, I've un-toned. My body has changed since I've done this injury and I'm not going to lie, I am self-conscious about it.

This is me before my injury...

Now, let's get this straight.

I haven't gained a lot of weight. I haven't put on a stone or rolls of fat. I have simply un-toned. This is where people are mistaken. I've been told (constantly) by various different people: you need to watch what you eat, you can control it, I can see you've un-toned, you're belly's got big, how's the weight situation going, guess you've lost your ass then...

Now, let me make this clear.

When you go from working out 2 times a day, 6 days a week to nothing for 5 months... what do you expect to happen!? Do you expect that person to keep their pack, their v-line, their toned butt, their defined legs, their bulky arms? NO! Anyone would un-tone!

It's natural.

They will lose their tight compact body because their physical state is so used to constantly working out; their body goes into a state of shock. Their physique will change purely because of that regular fat burner, their daily routine, their mental relaxation due to endorphins released during a workout, has gone.

Stopped. That's it. Finished.

I mean yes, we can control certain aspects. Yes, it's 80% diet, 20% exercise. Yes, we can keep our weight down if we eat the right nutrition all the time. But I must remind you. When an individual works out their body goes into a positive mental state. This is because we know that lifting weights, running that extra mile, sweating more than you did in the previous session, is good for you. It makes us feel like we are doing something to change and help our bodies adapt.

Meaning if we can't work out for whatever reason, we are going to feel more negative and drained. I know personally when I look in the mirror and see this change I can't control, I feel this sense of disgust about my body.

I would rather hide it with a big blanket all day!

Regarding nutrition.

When I was training to be a stunt woman I had to eat 5 times a day to keep up with my physical training. I had to consume a certain amount of food and a particular food type depending on what my workout was. When I did my injury and stopped working out, I had to cut down to 3 meals a day and try and figure out what foods to eat to lose or maintain my weight. When you're not a nutritionist or have the money to pay for a nutritionist, that's hard. That takes time to adapt and figure out.

So please stop telling people that are going through a long state of recovery or a bad situation that we have gained a bit of weight, we have a roll, a double chin, we look different. Stop acting that tiny bit odd towards us. Even I've noticed changes in peoples reaction to me, changes in comments on social media and in person or even their eyes going straight to the body areas that have un-toned.

This might come as a shock to you but...

I know!

I look in the mirror every day and hate how my body has adapted (trust me.) I can see the added bulge, the un-toned areas, the cellulite, the lack of posture. I can see I'm deflating both physically and mentally. What doesn't help and progresses my state of "depression" you can call it about this change, is when people comment on this.

As remember sometimes it's not our choice to be this way.

It's hard to understand. Personally, for me, weight has been a massive battle during this process. It's difficult to explain but it depresses me that I can't do anything about my weight because I've been imprisoned with this injury for 5 months. I know it's not been my fault, but I still feel so dependent on others and such a burden. I can't just get in a car and drive to the gym. I have to ask for favours constantly! I try and eat as healthy as I can but even 5 months into this process, I'm still trying to work out my nutrition. What also doesn't help is that I have a very... very slow metabolism.

Forever wishing I was naturally skinny!

I hate the way I look at the moment. I hate that I refuse to wear belly tops, try and cover myself up when I'm around a pool or even, scared to go out sometimes in shorts just in case I bump into someone I know. For now, I may seem re-framed from others, I wear baggier t-shirts, I don't like people taking full body pictures and I hate eating in front of people. But that's my mental state. It will get better; it will just take time and a full able knee. But right now I am emotional, even though I may smile in the photos... behind the scene, I am finding this whole course really hard.

I just can't wait for all this to be over...