Do You Not 'Like' Me?

I can't believe it has taken me this long to discover the cause of my mental battles. The source that triggers my infuriation and the main factor that gets me so down and judgmental about who I am. That destroys my self-confidence and makes me envious of other people. This one aspect that can change my mood in a second because I am witnessing something I wish I could experience. It has taken me this long to realise that I am allowing my life to be determined by a single factor...

Social Media.

I scroll through my news feed and I see pictures of traveling experiences I crave to have, makeup tutorials I wish I could do, clubbing photos I wish I could be in. I am constantly looking at women’s gym selfies to moments later looking at my body in the mirror and thinking, I've failed.

Then the likes...

I was getting so down because I couldn't post about my old life anymore. My social media was going from 100 odd likes when I was able to do my stunts and workout to now 40. All because I'm in a wheelchair or on crutches or I can't post as "cool" of videos as I used too, (doesn't that just say something.)

I was constantly comparing my likes, my photos, my body and my face to others that were getting more likes or retweets and for what? For me to feel bad about myself, to look in the mirror and think I need to change or to take 50 odd selfies on my iPhone and hate all of them because they don't look as good as another person's post.

I can't believe it has taken me this long to realise all this.

Please don't take offense as I'm not speaking about everyone - but most of those who are getting the hundreds or thousands of likes, that have a thousand to a million followers are actually allowing a click of a button to determine how they look. They are allowing other people to judge how they will feel about themselves that day. They are acting confident and a completely different person online but behind the scenes are watching their phones waiting for others to grow their self-confidence.

Then those who aren't getting as many likes, retweets or followers are allowing others social media’s to determine that they aren't as pretty or as small or as funny, witty or interesting.

We have all been victimised to social media at one point in our lives - including me.

Never again will I allow others to influence my life like this.

I can finally post pictures like this and not care!

I used to watch others clubbing Snapchats and think I wish I could be there. But every time I see that now I think, instead of dancing, having fun, doing shots and acting like a complete lunatic living in the moment. You have your phone in your hand...

Social media affects certain people in this way... Some are determined to post a picture of themselves and another girl/boy just to make their ex's jealous. Some are determined to prove that they had a great time or some try to prove they're pissed off at someone or upset about something by indirect tweeting/quoting on their Instagram.

But you don't have to do this!

Beauty, sexy, interesting, confidence, happiness isn't defined by social media. It's defined in the confidence you hold in yourself without others reassuring you. You have control of your mental state so take it! I unfollowed every single motivational site and every person that made me feel small. I challenged myself to a month without makeup to grow my self-confidence. I embraced the curves that I have and finally understood my circumstances. I embraced myself and loved myself and now I am untouchable.

I don't care how many likes, favourites, retweets I get as those factors don't define who I am. If I want to post a picture because I feel good or state how I feel on twitter then I will do that. But that's for me!